508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
