i can't believe i had my finger in that
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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