drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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