so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
