We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
