She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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