I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have fence marks all over my body
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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