FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
