The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
