I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was like eating out sand paper
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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