i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
