i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
