fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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