Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
