I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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