I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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