you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
