I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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