Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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