Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
