So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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