This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
