I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
