I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
