and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
