she was so not down for the gang bang
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
