1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
