Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
