So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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