so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
