Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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