just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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