Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
