guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The adults are the big ones right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
