If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
