I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
