I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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