Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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