I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
