You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
