So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
