my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
