i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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