just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish you could order shots online.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
