the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
