yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
