Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
