If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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