My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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