I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
