When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
