make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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