To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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