i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
