Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
