end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
