It's like God shit irony all over that family
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
