Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
