I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
