i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
