there's paper in my vomit.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize