Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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