once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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