I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
