yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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