I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
