all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
