Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize