just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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