Grow some girl-balls and come out already
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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