I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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