i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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