Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize