I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
