I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
