how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
