I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
