did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
