We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i out mim tonsoeep
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