Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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