Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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