Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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