He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize