It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
