***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
