On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
