I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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