Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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