Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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