you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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