Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
