i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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