I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
3pm strippers are depressing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
