I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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