My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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