I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
