So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
