I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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