I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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