sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Come on in and take your pants off
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